The Reality of Life with Five Teens and Young Adults

Ten and a half years ago, in the midst of a crazy time in our life, I wrote a post called “The Reality of Life with Five Kids.” We were living on a tight budget, and the tile in our kitchen had literally started popping off the floor. We had a crawling baby, so we had to fix it. I wrote this post during the week of our floor renovation, and it really helped my heart embrace the crazy and remember the “why” behind our large family. Now that we are in a totally different stage of life, I wanted to write a new post describing the reality of life with teens and young adults.

If you haven’t read the original post, go back and read that one here: The Reality of Life with Five Kids. Then read this one!

Right now, at this moment, my house is completely quiet. Well, except for the dishwasher and the next-door-neighbor donkeys braying. One dog is sleeping next to me in the chair, while two more dogs are sleeping on the floor. Jordan is out at Wednesday night church activities with our three kids who are still at home, and I’m resting and recovering after having an iron infusion this afternoon. Hello, middle age.

I’ve learned to embrace the rare peaceful moments because they are few and far between in a busy family with teens and young adults.

What’s it like now that our kids are mostly grown? Is it wonderful to have reached the stage where life is so much easier?

Well.

I hate to say this, but…

It didn’t get any easier.

Our kids are currently 21, 18, 15, 13, and 10 (almost 11). The oldest one is married and out of the house. The second one is attending college in another state.

When the kids were young, life was a LOT. There was a lot of noise and mess and laundry and toys and potty training and nose wiping and keeping people from eating dog food or coloring in library books.

And now that they are big… life is still a lot, just in a different way. And it’s EXPENSIVE. Even more expensive than when they were small! Orthodontics, adult-sized jeans and tennis shoes, piano lessons, college tuition, and groceries, groceries, groceries. Our boys have gone through some CRAZY growth spurts and it’s wild how much food it takes to fill them up.

(My current 13 year old son likes to quote from “101 Dalmatians” almost every day. “I’m hungry, Mother. I really am!”)

Life is still messy. We have late night social activities, more complex sibling conflict, teenage moods, five different schedules and only two drivers, and unrealistic expectations from both parents and kids. The stakes are higher now. The conversations are more intense (and mostly happen late at night), and the potential for disaster is much greater. We’ve “ruined people’s lives” with our unfair rules, been too dumb to understand basic teenager life concepts, and felt the sting of accusations from people who seem to be at the height of all knowledge (and who have momentarily forgotten who cared for them for all those years).

Life is a challenge, and the more life you have in your house, the greater the challenges are.

But the thing is… life is also a beautiful gift from God.

The hard things are hard, but the beautiful things are indescribable.

And nothing could have prepared me for how much I would love this season of life.

We’ve just about left the childhood years behind, and by God’s grace alone, we’re experiencing the incredible joy of seeing our kids turn into really cool people.

We’ve taken on new responsibilities. And learned new things! Which is harder in your mid-40’s, but not impossible…

Following the interests of your kids in a large family leads to an incredibly full life.

We’ve gone on some amazing adventures.

(The teen in the middle is a family friend. This was the Sunset Overlook hike in Zion National Park. Breathtaking!)

We’ve celebrated major life milestones.

And watched siblings become true friends. (Even if some days they still fight about who has to take out the trash.)

Life is changing rapidly. We don’t have all our kids under our roof anymore. We’ve said a lot of goodbyes, which just reminds me every time that missing our kids when we’re apart is a privilege because it shows what wonderful people we have to love.

But we’ve also added new relationships and I’m so here for it!

I had always wondered what it would be like to have a daughter-in-law. Well, she is incredible, and I’m here to tell you that adding a family member adds a new dimension to your heart that you didn’t know was possible.

You see, love is not a substance that can be used up or run out. Instead it just multiplies as it is shared between more family members.

We also have the privilege of having a college-age girl living with us at the moment (in an apartment on our property), and she brings an incredible amount of joy to our lives each day. Through our relationship with her, we’ve learned that you don’t have to be related to love each other like family. She has also helped this busy middle-aged mom learn how to have fun again, and many more blessings that I don’t have enough room here to describe.

Yes, we’ve gotten a little older and a little more gray. (Thankfully the red hair hides the gray really well!)

But if you see us out and about, looking a little exhausted and maybe a little off-kilter, don’t feel sorry for us because we were up until midnight having a conversation about relationships with one person and then got up early the next morning to drive another one to a piano thing. Don’t worry about how we’re going to afford college with “all those kids” or how we’re going to get through braces with #5. God has been so faithful to us, and He will continue to be.

In this season of life, things are often not neatly wrapped up at the end of the day. Gone are the days where everything could be fixed with a popsicle. Life is complicated, mistakes are made (sometimes big ones), conversations are difficult, and perspectives are sometimes not understood, on both sides. But believe me when I say that true happiness is not based on calm, easy days, or teens that never struggle. The struggles are deeper, but so is the joy.

“Mom, I had a really good conversation with a co-worker about the Bible.”

“Mom, finding a solid church is really the most important thing to us.”

“Mom, I’ve been wanting to find more ways to reach out to my friend who is struggling. Do you think he can come over?”

What a privilege it is to point our kids, not to our own wisdom, but to Christ. What a joy it is to see them learn to truly trust the Lord with the big unknowns of life. To see their desires shift from the pleasures of this world to the eternal things that nothing can destroy.

So don’t feel sorry for us because our floor is covered with a pile of tennis shoes or because all the cereal we bought yesterday is gone already. Don’t worry about how we’ll find time for “me time” with a steady stream of people in and out of our house (when we aren’t out of the house driving to all. the. places).

Important things are happening in our house. And I’d say we are actually the most blessed people in the world.

NOTE: In writing this post, I am extremely aware that the teen and young adult stage of life often includes choices that can be devastating and heartbreaking. Sometimes relationships are broken seemingly beyond repair, and the emotions of being a mom at this stage are something that you just can’t prepare for. Please know that this post is not in any way an attempt to boast about our family. We’ve experienced some challenges for sure, the details of which I can’t share publicly, and we’re not through yet… there may be some serious trials in the future. If you are walking a difficult road, please know that my heart goes out to you.