Things you say when you have a two year old in the house...

  • Get down off the table!
  • You may not tell Mommy “No!”
  • What’s in your mouth?  Show me what is in your mouth!”
  • We write only on paper.  No, not on the table.  Not on a book.  Not on your hand.  ONLY ON PAPER!!!
  • We are not washing our arms right now, just our hands.
  • You may not use soap or toothpaste unless Mommy is helping.
  • Toys do not go in the potty!  Do not put ANYTHING ELSE in the potty!
  • Please leave the computer alone!
  • Put the chips back.  It’s breakfast time.  We are not having chips right now.
  • What are you biting into?  A raw potato?  That is not a good snack.  Let’s put that back.
  • We don’t eat the banana peel, just the banana.  Yuck!  Let’s get that out of your mouth.
  • Stop feeding the dog!  He doesn’t need some of your snack!
  • No, you may not walk the dog all by yourself.
  • We only throw balls!
  • Do not throw sand!
  • Do not throw rocks!
  • Please hold Mommy’s hand, or you will have to get back in the stroller.
  • Daddy’s hammer is not safe.  You may not have that.
  • Uh oh, let’s not pour syrup on the dog!  Stop!  STOP!
  • Scissors are a no-no!  Give them to Mommy.  Did you cut anything else with these?  Show me what you cut.

It’s a good thing he’s so cute… I guess we’ll keep him! 🙂


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  1. Amanda Sep 28, 2011

    Today in our house:

    "No, those are not cookies in the potty."


    1. Sarah Sep 28, 2011

      That's hilarious! My older two boys were so squeamish about going after a toy that fell in the toilet, etc., but my current 2 year old has no trouble whatsoever! Tonight he was trying to get toilet paper back out of there. Not a good idea!

  2. Marsha Sep 28, 2011

    Loved this post...can totally identify with your list. :)

  3. Amy Sep 28, 2011

    Yep. . . I say most of those things on a daily basis too! :)

  4. Terri Sep 28, 2011

    Yep... I think I've said them all! We also say "Stop flushing the toilet." and "Mommy doesn't need your help emptying the dishwasher!"

    1. Sarah Sep 28, 2011

      LOL! Yes, "Stop flushing the toilet" should have definitely made the list!! We have the dishwasher issue here too. It's tough because I really hate to discourage helping, but I don't want him unloading knives, etc. I need to find more things he can "help" with!

  5. Kate @ Puddles and Gumboots Sep 28, 2011

    Haha yes I truly think that list could be endless! Thanks for the giggle!

  6. crittersandcrayons Sep 29, 2011

    Oh- you're such a nicer mommy than me! haha! What do I say? Hold momma's hand. Remember that turtle we saw that was smooshed by a car? That can be you. Hold my hand. Do NOT put your fingers in the door hinges. Why? Because it will cut them off. Do not lay down while you eat an apple. Because you will choke to death.

    I'm sure some parenting magazine endorses this approach. Somewhere. Funny post!

  7. Allison Sep 29, 2011

    I've got 3 boys under 5 and much of your list rings true here too. Other popular phrases in our house are

    "GET DOWN!"
    "We don't hop down the stairs"
    "Be careful" (500x a day!)
    "That is not food. Take it out of your mouth"
    "My goodness, you've got a dirty face. Get me a wipe and come here please."

  8. Rashmie @MommyLabs Sep 29, 2011

    Loved reading this, Sarah. And the list goes on and repeats itself over and over and over again during the course of the day!

  9. Crystal Hays Sep 29, 2011

    I've said all of these except the dog related ones. I refuse to get a dog right now.

  10. Crystal @ Intentional Homemaker Sep 29, 2011

    Have you been eavesdropping at our house?! :) Our two-year-old just turned three, and other than the dog ones, I think I've said every one of these on the list! Yes, it's a good thing they're cute! Gotta love 'em!

  11. amber Sep 29, 2011

    ALL of these are so right on. They syrup on the dog is my favorite one since my cute boy decided to pour syrup all over the place the other day ugh what a mess.

  12. Andrea Sep 30, 2011

    Wow! Your list is hilarious! I say those too! So glad I can laugh about it with someone else!

  13. Heather P Sep 30, 2011

    Thanks for sharing. My three boys are older - all btwn 11-6. While some of your things ring true, still - We only throw balls (outside, not in the house), don't throw rocks, and leave the computer alone (unless you ask). When trying to get them to think about the repercussions of their actions I have resorted to such things as holding up five fingers and asking (one word per finger) "How can this go wrong?" and "How can I prevent it?" yeeahhh....we're still working on THAT approach. Thanks again for the chuckle!

  14. Brittney Sep 30, 2011

    This is one of my new favorite websites, I love it! Every single one of those could have come straight from my mouth...I have to decline chips for breakfast quite frequently. (Thanks Daddy, for leaving the chips in sight!) I could add another gazillion to the list, as I'm sure most moms could, but I'd say the most common in my house is:


  15. Aimee Oct 11, 2011

    I see a common thread on the topics of eating and throwing! :)

  16. Christina Dec 1, 2011

    I swear I've said all those things (and some I still do) with both my boys. They are now almost 5(in a month) and 3. I'm still telling them not to put things in the toilet!

  17. Meaghan May 12, 2012

    Oh my this sounds exactly like our house. I have an almost 2 year old and a 4 year old and I find I'm often saying these things!!!!

  18. Kris May 12, 2012

    "What are you eating? Is that cardboard?"

    1. Sarah May 13, 2012

      Exactly! What is the attraction of eating cardboard???

  19. J Oct 12, 2013

    This is scarily accurate!

  20. MS Oct 12, 2013

    It's not only for boys!! I have both and here are some of my favorite: No swinging on the chandelier!
    Quit climbing the walls!
    Scissors are used ONLY on paper.
    Get off your sister's head!

    It's good you're writing these down. Otherwise, you'll never believe you said them :) Thanks for the fun.

  21. Jenniferwith5 Oct 12, 2013

    These are hilarious! My boys are 13, 9, and 7 and it gets much worse (trust me:)) here are phrases oft repeated in our house:
    "We don't ride the refrigerator door"
    "Get OFF the top of the refrigerator!"
    "Get off your brother"
    "If you can't hear me than you're too far"
    "Yes you need another shower!"
    "Why do your socks smell like the garbage?"
    "If you're bored I have plenty for you to do"
    And my favorite:
    "I love you, but do you really need four sandwiches?"

    Just thought I'd give y'all a heads up:)
    Gotta love those darling boys:)

  22. Em Oct 12, 2013

    "No, quit trying to put your big girl panties on the dog! The dog does not need panties"

    Promptly followed by:

    "Please, quit licking the windows!"


    "Please quit putting socks in the freezer"

  23. lesismore Oct 13, 2013

    we only eat food. sand/rocks/dirt/bugs/other assorted things you find on the ground do not go in your mouth.

    do not put rice/cheerios/other assorted foods in your bellybutton.

    do not lick the window/the couch/my arm/other assorted items around the house.

    it's just time to rest/eat/sit in your car seat/get your coat on/other assorted activities, not stand on your head/jump like you're on a trampoline/scream maniacally/lay limp on the floor/other assorted things that aren't the thing that needs to be done.

    i love you.

  24. Erin Feb 14, 2014

    We also have 4 boys and currently on our 4th 2 yo. I love this age as well! So hilarious and sweet when they are not irrational and bipolar. "You're lucky you're cute!" I say it everyday. Thank you for a wonderful blog!

  25. Keya Feb 14, 2014

    My favorite was always "(insert name here) . . . . . where are your pants?!?!?".

  26. Donna Amis Davis Sep 22, 2015

    Don't climb the aquarium!


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