- Get down off the table!
- You may not tell Mommy “No!”
- We write only on paper. No, not on the table. Not on a book. Not on your hand. ONLY ON PAPER!!!
- We are not washing our arms right now, just our hands.
- You may not use soap or toothpaste unless Mommy is helping.
- Toys do not go in the potty! Do not put ANYTHING ELSE in the potty!
- Please leave the computer alone!
- Put the chips back. It’s breakfast time. We are not having chips right now.
- What are you biting into? A raw potato? That is not a good snack. Let’s put that back.
- We don’t eat the banana peel, just the banana. Yuck! Let’s get that out of your mouth.
- Stop feeding the dog! He doesn’t need some of your snack!
- No, you may not walk the dog all by yourself.
- We only throw balls!
- Do not throw sand!
- Do not throw rocks!
- Please hold Mommy’s hand, or you will have to get back in the stroller.
- Daddy’s hammer is not safe. You may not have that.
- Uh oh, let’s not pour syrup on the dog! Stop! STOP!
- Scissors are a no-no! Give them to Mommy. Did you cut anything else with these? Show me what you cut.
It’s a good thing he’s so cute… I guess we’ll keep him! 
Today in our house:
“No, those are not cookies in the potty.”
That’s hilarious! My older two boys were so squeamish about going after a toy that fell in the toilet, etc., but my current 2 year old has no trouble whatsoever! Tonight he was trying to get toilet paper back out of there. Not a good idea!
Loved this post…can totally identify with your list.
Yep. . . I say most of those things on a daily basis too!
Yep… I think I’ve said them all! We also say “Stop flushing the toilet.” and “Mommy doesn’t need your help emptying the dishwasher!”
LOL! Yes, “Stop flushing the toilet” should have definitely made the list!! We have the dishwasher issue here too. It’s tough because I really hate to discourage helping, but I don’t want him unloading knives, etc. I need to find more things he can “help” with!
Haha yes I truly think that list could be endless! Thanks for the giggle!
Oh- you’re such a nicer mommy than me! haha! What do I say? Hold momma’s hand. Remember that turtle we saw that was smooshed by a car? That can be you. Hold my hand. Do NOT put your fingers in the door hinges. Why? Because it will cut them off. Do not lay down while you eat an apple. Because you will choke to death.
I’m sure some parenting magazine endorses this approach. Somewhere. Funny post!
I’ve got 3 boys under 5 and much of your list rings true here too. Other popular phrases in our house are
“GET DOWN!”
“We don’t hop down the stairs”
“Be careful” (500x a day!)
“That is not food. Take it out of your mouth”
“My goodness, you’ve got a dirty face. Get me a wipe and come here please.”
I love it – must say all of those a 1000′s times a day added to it. “No don’t put the washing machine on again”, “Leave your sister alone”, “No T doesn’t want toast (subsitute for any food substance that a toddler may want to feed a baby)”
Loved reading this, Sarah. And the list goes on and repeats itself over and over and over again during the course of the day!
I’ve said all of these except the dog related ones. I refuse to get a dog right now.
Have you been eavesdropping at our house?!
Our two-year-old just turned three, and other than the dog ones, I think I’ve said every one of these on the list! Yes, it’s a good thing they’re cute! Gotta love ‘em!
ALL of these are so right on. They syrup on the dog is my favorite one since my cute boy decided to pour syrup all over the place the other day ugh what a mess.
Wow! Your list is hilarious! I say those too! So glad I can laugh about it with someone else!
Thanks for sharing. My three boys are older – all btwn 11-6. While some of your things ring true, still – We only throw balls (outside, not in the house), don’t throw rocks, and leave the computer alone (unless you ask). When trying to get them to think about the repercussions of their actions I have resorted to such things as holding up five fingers and asking (one word per finger) “How can this go wrong?” and “How can I prevent it?” yeeahhh….we’re still working on THAT approach. Thanks again for the chuckle!
This is one of my new favorite websites, I love it! Every single one of those could have come straight from my mouth…I have to decline chips for breakfast quite frequently. (Thanks Daddy, for leaving the chips in sight!) I could add another gazillion to the list, as I’m sure most moms could, but I’d say the most common in my house is:
SPIT IT OUT!
I see a common thread on the topics of eating and throwing!
I swear I’ve said all those things (and some I still do) with both my boys. They are now almost 5(in a month) and 3. I’m still telling them not to put things in the toilet!
Oh my this sounds exactly like our house. I have an almost 2 year old and a 4 year old and I find I’m often saying these things!!!!
“What are you eating? Is that cardboard?”
Exactly! What is the attraction of eating cardboard???