Wondering what a dad joke is? Dad jokes are those corny jokes, usually based on puns, that dads love to tell. You know, the ones that make you groan and say, “Oh, Dad!” but secretly you are laughing because, hey – they’re pretty funny! Over the past couple months, my husband has been enjoying making our teen son groan with the dad jokes that he reads on Twitter. We decided that since we’ve posted about hilarious jokes for kids that we should create a collection of some of the best dad jokes too! So here they are…
You know people say they pick their nose… but I feel like I was just born with mine!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
My wife says nothing rhymes with “orange.” And I said, “No, it doesn’t!”
I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it!
When the grocery store checker asks me if I want my milk in a bag, I say no, I’d rather keep it in the carton.
My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex. They’re his watch dogs!
I failed my driving test today. The instructor asked me, “What do you do at a red light?” I said, “I usually check my emails and see what people are up to on Facebook.”
The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got all of them cut.
When I was growing up, if I told my Dad I got a haircut he would say, “Which one?”
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage. The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity.
My wife said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?” And I thought, “that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
What does a house wear? Address! (A dress)
My wife said I ruined her birthday. I’m not sure how I did that, I didn’t even KNOW it was her birthday!
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway!
What happens when frogs park illegally? They get toad.
Why are pediatricians always so angry? Because they have little patients.
Last night I had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? At sundae school!
What kind of magazines do cows read? Cattlelogs!
Son: Dad, have you seen my sunglasses? Dad: No, have you seen my dad glasses?
How do you spell “candy” with just two letters? C and Y.
What sort of room has no windows or doors? A mushroom!
Did you know the first French fries weren’t really cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece!
Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they are shellfish!
Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? He woke up.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana…
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
What do lazy farmers grow? Couch potatoes!
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal will see you later, or after a while.
What days are the strongest? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are week (weak) days!
What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks, “Can’t you just use a sponge?”
Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.
Son: Dad, can I watch the TV? Dad: Sure, just don’t turn it on.
I needed a password eight characters long, so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
A man found a magic lamp with a genie that offered him three wishes. The man said, “For my first wish, I’d like to be rich.” “Okay, Rich,” said the genie. “What would you like for your second wish?”
6:30 is hands down the best time on the clock.
What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5,000 miles.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
I went to see the doctor about my blocked ear. “Which ear is it?” he asked. “2018,” I replied.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down…
Dad: Why can’t you eat Wookie meat? Son: I don’t know, why? Dad: Because it’s too chewy…